Valentine’s Day is coming up soon (Google tells me that this is Wednesday), which is that annual time when the couples of the Med City declare their undying love and affection for one another. It’s a day of romance, love, and all that stuff.

But if you’re single like me, it can get a little annoying seeing your News Feed clogged with flowers, PDA, jewelry, chocolates, teddy bears, romantic dinners, and posts about how that one person you had a History class with in high school has the PERFECT partner for 24 entire hours. Some of you might feel that temptation to feel a little bitter that you aren't currently in a relationship!

That’s why I’m here to explain how you, as a Badass Single Person, can still have the Best Wednesday Ever this year. It’s not even that difficult!

  1. This Is Your Day To Enjoy Being Completely Selfish

Looking through your News Feed, notice how expensive all those romantic gifts are. Like that $200 diamond pendant your buddy gave to his wife (personally designed by the lady who played Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman), or those $50 roses all your female coworkers had delivered to them at the office.

And now, here’s the plot twist. Today, you are your partner. Basically, I’m asking you to think about how much you would have spent on your lover, and then spend that amount on yourself. Buy $50 worth of pizza and hot wings. Treat yourself to some concert tickets. Buy a new video game. Get a full body massage for no reason at all. Your partner (you) will be so touched at the romantic gift you just gave yourself. It was just what you always wanted!

  1. Forget Self-Improvement For One Day And Just Get Weird

Sure, you might consider Valentine’s Day as a reminder that you should start eating healthy, hit the gym, or find a new hobby that will make you more desirable. But I say this Wednesday is the perfect opportunity to do the opposite of that. Give into every temptation and vice that you have, and give absolutely zero Foxtrots about it.

Eat an entire jar of Trader Joe's Cookie Butter. Play a game of "How Many Newt's Burgers Can I Eat In One Sitting?" Drink a margarita out of a vase. Try eating a Mac & Cheese Pizza from Topper's while taking a bubble bath.

…What? DON’T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU’VE TRIED IT. It’s the height of bachelor luxury.

But yeah, just do what you want to do. Have fun. There’s always tomorrow.

  1. Enjoy Your Drama-Free Life For The Next 24 Hours

I’m sure there are some good things about being in a relationship, but don’t forget the fact that they’re also a lot of work. How many times have your taken friends complained to you about their partners? In the immortal words of Bret Michaels, every rose has its thorn. No one’s going to yell at you because you forgot to take the garbage out this morning. Just let that sink in all day.

  1. Go On Some Dating Apps And Hope For Your Own Minnesota Miracle

I mean, hey, you’re not the only single person in the Med City who knows it’s Valentine’s Day. Maybe you can score a last-minute date on Bumble, Tinder, Craigslist, whatever. Swipe right and hope for the best.

    5. Read This Article About Why Being Single Is Scientifically Awesome

According to science, you probably have more friends, are more physically fit compared to your married friends, and are developing more as an individual. Plus, again, you definitely have more money in your bank account than you would otherwise. So hooray for being single! It's now time for pizza.

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