Dear Rochester, Minnesota - Here's How to Solve the Problem With Crows

The Trouble With Crows could be a murder mystery set in Rochester, Minnesota. For two reasons; first, a bunch of crows together is a murder of crows, and second, we've been looking for a way to get rid of them for years.

The Near Perfect Crow Mitigation Program for Rochester, Minnesota

What you see above is the only way we'll rid ourselves of these tiresome birds. They're too smart to trick, no one's going to walk around shooting them and deal with the blowback from people (which would be tremendous BT Dubs), and no one wants to walk around all day making new loud sounds.

So, get rid of the trees, Rochester. Anywhere there are cars, no more foliage. We have to play hardcore with these crows. They are smart, so smart they get together each day and draw up that day's Poop Plan!

The Crows Plan Where to Poop in Rochester, Minnesota?

Rave / Canva
Rabe / Canva

You bet they do. One time I saw them without the crows knowing, and they had tiny crow maps out, marking "poop bombing runs" as Harold the head crow called them. Lloyd, the Sage Crow often told them they weren't being aggressive enough, that back in his day they would hit 10,000,000 cars, sidewalks, and little old ladies a day!

But don't we NEED Trees in The Med City?

Arrow points to TREE. Curt St John-Townsquare Media/Rochester-Preston, MN
TREE. Curt St John-Townsquare Media/Rochester-Preston, MN

Meh. I'm no "tree-ologist", but I've read online our need for trees is WAY over-emphasized and as long as they're in the area somewhere, we're good. Let Up North carry some oxygen weight for once.

Are You Kidding Me Here? The Land of 10,000 Lakes Needs Trees!

Well, I might be kidding you. This whole thing could be an elaborate ruse (thank you Archer) to post videos of a tree being cut down. The sound of the machinery, the crackle of the wood, the gentle "flerf" as it falls to the ground.

Then again in slow-mo! Tho, for some reason, this slow-mo didn't turn out exactly as planned, but I'll take it!

As always, if you have a comment, complaint, or concern about something I wrote here, please let me know:

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Prove the crows are a problem!

If you're new here, yes, the crows really are a problem.

Does Rochester, Mn have a crow problem? This poop says 'yes'!

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