The Five Stages Of Winter Storm Preparation In Minnesota
If you haven’t heard, Southern Minnesota could be on track for a big snow storm for Thursday. As of this writing, a Winter Storm Watch is in effect from midnight tonight through 6PM tomorrow. If you've experienced a winter in Minnesota before, you know what's about to go down. These are the Five Stages every Minnesotan goes through when they hear about a big winter storm.
Stage One: “Did You Hear?”
This is the stage where someone hears that there’s going to be a snow storm, so they immediately make it their life mission to let every single one of their coworkers, family members, and friends know about it. Because let’s be honest, it feels good when you get to deliver that breaking news to someone that makes them change their plans. It's a huge ego trip. I live for it.
Stage Two: “Sorry, I Can’t Make It To Your Coworker’s Wife’s Best Friend’s Birthday Party. The World Is Ending.”
If you’re an introvert like me, this is easily the most enjoyable stage. That party you were supposed to go to on Thursday that you really don’t feel like attending? “My sincerest apologies, but I cannot attend your social gathering due to Minnesota receiving approximately 74 inches of snow that day. OH, DID YOU NOT HEAR?” Canceled plans are the best plans.
Stage Three: *dumps fifty pounds of canned food and beer into shopping cart*
The day before the storm hits, you’ll head into a crowded Costco or Target store and spend the next two and a half hours buying way more supplies than you actually need. “What if I run out of beer before we hit 35 inches of snow?! I might need this giant tub of cheese balls as well. My survival may depend on it.” By the time you finally reach the checkout line, you’ll never want to see another human being again.
Stage Four: “…Wait, That’s It? Seriously?”
This is when someone else tells you that the Epic Snowpacalypse is expected to hit everywhere except where you live. The morning of the storm, you look outside your window and see more birds than falling snowflakes. You walk into work feeling like it's March. This always happens. Every. Single. Time.
Stage Five: “Whoa, Did You Hear About That Huge Snowstorm Next Week?”
I hear it just might be the biggest one yet.