The Social Security Administration just came out with a list of the most popular baby names in Minnesota. Is it just me, or do those seem a little uppity to you? Seriously, what’s up with this growing trend of people giving their children the name of a rich British person? “This is my son, LORD OLIVER XIV!" No thank you. That’s why I decided to come up with 7 baby names that are loosely based on things you’d find around Rochester. Starting with…

Newt

The perfect name for Daddy’s Little Cheeseburger. And if you’re a fan of the movie Aliens, you already know that your daughter could totally pull off this name.

Scrubs

Look, I know some parents don’t want no Scrubs. But in Rochester, there are scrubs everywhere. Honestly, this name gets cooler to me the more I think about it. I will give five dollars to the first couple that names their kid “Scrubs Mackenzie.”

Goose (Male) or Geese (Female)

When you want to give your baby a name that either says “My son lives in the Danger Zone” or “My daughter constantly poops all over downtown.”

Honker

If you name your child Honker, I guarantee that he/she will be the most popular kid in school…or get mocked mercilessly. It’s definitely one of those two.

Quarry

FACT: If your last name is Hill, you are hereby legally obligated to give your next child this name.

South East

If two awful people can name their child North West, an awesome couple like you can restore balance to The Force by naming your child South East!

Mayonnaise (Mayo for short)

Because if there’s one thing Rochester is known for, it’s obviously our fondness for egg-based condiments.

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