I love cheese. It makes almost every meal better, and there are fewer things in life that give me greater pleasure than noshing down on a gooey, hot pizza dripping with mozzarella. If there’s any leftover Parmesan cheese on my plate, I’ll devour that like I’m Scarface.

That’s why I’m pretty excited to check out the Pine Island Cheese Fest this weekend.

I hadn’t heard of this until I moved her two months ago, but it’s pretty cool how this has been around since 1936. That’s an awesome tradition, so I feel like it’s my duty as a cheese lover to check it out for the first time and eat my face off.

The whole event runs today through Sunday. You can browse their website for the entire list of events, but here are a few things that interest me the most:

Saturday

Rib Cook Off: American Legion – Sign in at 8AM, Judging at 4PM

This is the rare case where meat is an appetizer in between cheese eatings.

Cheese & Wine/Beer GALA

Sounds like a great opportunity to act all fancy and stuff. That will end the moment I

Street Dance w/ Hitchville – 8PM to Midnight

Hitchville is a pretty good live act, and by that point you’ll probably want to burn off all the cheese you’ve been eating all day. Speaking of which, it’s a good thing this dance is outside. After I’m done eating all that cheese, you probably wouldn’t want to be around me indoors. That’s all I’ll say.

Sunday

Craft & Vendor Market: 10AM to 3:30PM

I am going to have the best cheese stash after this.

Duck Race: 3:30PM at Trailhead Park

I could go for a duck race right now. Let’s do it.

Bar Wars: after the 2PM parade in the PI Sports Bar/Legion parking lot

It’s described as a “3-bar competition in 5 events.” I was sold the moment I read “bar wars”.

Annual Lot Party: after the 2PM parade – TM Karaoke, American Legion

Are there any songs about cheese? There are definitely a lot of cheesy songs. Time to bust out some ‘80s hair metal ballads like a boss.

Let’s do this.